Hard Knock of Life

Man…this sucks. I need to get it off my chest though. I just turned down a very..artistic.. good looking.. man. Only reason why? He does not share my faith and I want someone that shares my faith. It really sucks sometimes but, I am proud of myself that I am able to stay so focused. It is very very hard. I’m not gonna lie and say it is not. It’s an almost everyday struggle to not take my mind there. I don’t know which is worse…settling for someone that you do not want as much as you have wanted someone in the past ‘just’ because they share your faith, or just staying single so that you don’t settle. I rather stay single than to marry or be with someone that I am not happy with. Just my thoughts for today. My model partner this weekend came at me SO hard. He walked up behind me no lie and said “you are so f***king beautiful, I want you so f***king bad” – I just ignored him.  He did this while I was styling the models with my jewelry. It was not as hard to turn him down on his 6 invites to dinner over the course of all of this rehearsing because he just came off SO cocky to me. Oh- I almost forgot this tidbit . He had the nerve to ask me out and when I said “NO” firmly he says “No? you’re denying me? That does not happen. Mr.(hislastname) does not get denied” I said “Well what do you think is happening right now?? You’re getting denied!” It made it so awkward because he was my partner. It turned me completely off. I hate a cocky guy. He thought just because he was chocolate with locks (my weakness) he could get somewhere with me. Um negative. It was not enough space in a football field for his big cocky head. Ok I’m done. But I think that’s why I had such a hard time today turning this other guy down because he also was a part of the show. He rapped spoken word and drew art simultaneously. He approached me respectfully and answered respectfully when I told him I was not looking for anyone. Those are the hard ones..the respectful ones.  But man I really feel like I need to do something because this happens so much. It gets draining having to turn down..turn down ..turn down. I’m not saying my door is being knocked down every single day but often enough to frustrate me and make me feel like I’m being targeted by a bigger force. It makes my heart heavy. I always say I’m not looking and I’m not. I really am ok single , but sometimes just like any other human I long for that romance and that hug. So..I would say its easier more times than it’s harder. I’m sucking it up though and taking one day at a time.

The show this weekend went AMAZING!!!! My jewelry was on almost every…single…last…model. My name was also on the big screen each scene. It was so fun being a model. I’ll upload some pictures later on.


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