No sense at all

So I know this won’t make any sense but watching this weekends Grammy’s really made me miss my ex husband. Just seeing Rihanna and Chris Brown back together made me jealous. Jealous that they worked out thier issues and became one again after it seemed like everything was against them. I’m happy for them, I just wish mine would have been the same turn out. If my ex would have waited long enough I would have gotten back with him. If he would have just left his family and become one yolk with me I would have ran back in a hot second. But he never showed me any of that. I could not allow myself to get back with himwithout observing first if he changed his mind set. Became a man. I still don’t think he is. If he was a man would he try to get back with me even after he is married? Would he have done the same thing to me after a bit of time passed by? Would e have held my sins over my head for all time to come? Idk. I will never know the answer to any of that. I’m ok with that , because the answers may not have been what I wanted to see/hear.I just pray someone replaces this feeling because I’m tired of twice a year relapsing on what could have been. I did not have any control over it anyways. I mean I’m ok and all it just continues to suck that no one will ever replace a love like that. Nothing and I mean nothing can ever replace 10+ years of your life. NOTHING.

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