Letter

SO I put my letter in yesterday night. Took me alot of nerve to do it. They said they will meet with me Sunday. Ugh. I’m just trying to not get too excited because it honestly has not even been that long. My attitude was really really bad when everything first happened. So I was not on the best behavior the first month and a half I was out. I’m going to just tell them honestly from my heart like look.. my attitude was bad , I did not understand why what was taking place took place. It honestly caused me to have a “my best is not good enough so why try” attitude. But even though  I had that attitude I KNEW it was wrong to have it. So I said to myself Just…dont..miss..a…meeting. I knew for a certain fact that even though I did not want to go to the meeting and even though I had a bad attitude and was upset, I knew for a fact if I forced myself to get spiritually fed Jehovah would straighten my thinking out. And that’s real talk. I think that takes alot of someone, to even though they feel one way have that much trust in Jehovah and have faith that he will give you the food you need to correct your thinking. To my benefit he did. He absolutely did and I am so happy that I did not allow Satan to misguide me for a longer period. If I would have stopped going to the meetings I would not be in a good state right now and my thinking would have gotten worse and festered. This plays into the same reason why we should make sure we are always staying up on our personal study and preparing for the meetings. Whenever we are feeling a certain type of way does it not seem like Jehovah is answering us through the Faithful and Discreet Slave? So I have really really learned that trusting in Jehovah even when you are not sure of the outcome can have great benefits.

There was a part on the meeting last night about making friends. This is something I have always struggled with. It’s like if I’m cool with you we are cool , but I play off of others energy. If I feel like someone is not feeling me, I don’t try to pursue a friendship. I become very shy and back off. But the part was basically talking about being the type of person you would want to be friends with. Not always waiting for someone else to come up to you, or wait for someone else to invite you somewhere. It’s ok to make the first move and that is something that I just never do. I also enjoyed the part about conversation. Lol- I have a little issue..I cut people off. I mean.. I don’t mean to! I just have a short term memory loss issue and if I don’t get my point out I forget by the time they finish talking. This is something that after last night I need to work on. I easily make friends if I’m around them all the time, it’s just when I hardly see you it’s hard for me to lead conversation. I am rarely the one that leads. I like to listen for the most part contrary to the occasional interrupting. I really do want to be the person I would like to be friends with though. Another good point that was brought out is those who are close to Jehovah befriend those who are close to Jehovah. So it kind of made me think. Just like dating you are what you attract. Now not sure what that makes me since I tend to attract jerks but hey if I really focus on my relationship with Jehovah I’m sure others will see. Also I want to be the type of person that in the future if someone hears a rumor about me instead of believing it, they will actually find it hard to believe. Ya digg???

 

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