What up!!!

Nothing much has been up as of late. Same ol same ol. Just working coming home chilling, Randomly hanging out with randoms. You know I have not watched any football this season? Just not into it I guess. What I HAVE watched is Tia & Tamera. Ah I love that show!! I really hope this show goes on for a long time just like the Kardashians. It’s a lot more interesting. I was saddened that she is not coming back to the game but I agree with her. Why would they take her role down to seldom showing up on the show from being a main character. Ummmm helloooo her and that guy (forgot his name) WAS the show! I guess they are going to make Brandy and Jason take their place now. I will say though that I love Brandy on the Game. So I don’t really mind if they focus on them. But Melanie and Derwin (that’s his name) I mean they could have just had both couples. Anyways. I got my hair done it’s in that short style again, the 27 piece. I like it but it’s so itchy ahhhh. Beauty knows no pain though so I will deal with it. Plus my real hair is getting a break.

I’m not talking to Ant Hub anymore. Just tired of his BS. Like he literally needs to stay on the toilet cuz he is full of *&!@. How do you go from saying “I love you” just in July to clearly showing you don’t care? I’ve never used those words so loosely. I’ve just never met someone that could mislead me so bad(except for Tony…oh and Josh..oh and Dru…LOL! Thats everyone hahaha) I need to get my life together. Anyways! Lol–He comes off so genuine but his actions are just… well let me say this, his ‘lack’ of actions are just foul. I really didn’t plan to like him ‘that’ much but I’m just drawn to people that have struggled like me. Things were just never the same again after I kept breaking up with him so many times when we were dating. I really thought as of late we could work on it again but I have not seen him since July… JULY! – When I asked why he said “well I backed off because you said you did not want me to spend the night anymore” . I knew he was going to use that. Basically I told him that I really wanted to stay focused and not mess up anymore so him staying at my house overnight would no longer be appropriate. Right..and I mean Right after the words left my mouth I was like I bet he going to use that as an excuse to not visit. So I waited till he did exactly what I knew he was gonna do (use that as an excuse). So I said to him “So you never heard of coming up for the day and going back home? he says “Well yea but I don’t like doing that because when I come I have to stay for 8 hours and come right back” At that point I was just like eff it. Because this is the same nigga that travels alllll over the USA and drives everywhere but he can’t come to Richmond? Even though I drove to DC for a cpl of hours last year? That right there shook me and  I was like Janay he does not care and he is not worth your time. *BOOM* – So the next day I was like one day you are going to look up and I’ma be like eff it. He must have thought I was joking. That next day just ended up being that next day. I just became really standoffish because I just don’t want to talk to him at all. I have not texted him in over a week and he has not texted me. This only solidifies even more my gut feelings about the situation. I feel like I am a pretty, smart, creative, funny, and sweet person and I AM going to be with someone that really appreciates me. It’s crazy because I am so open to love now. Like the right kind of love you know? I have zero tolerance for anyone who mistreats me. I’m just over it. I really am. I’m just happy I took a stand for something and did not allow myself to be repeatedly mistreated AGAIN like I did all of last year. I guess this is a lesson for myself too. How much did I really like him if I can so easily not talk to him every day. I mean it was very frustrating feeling used but life moves on , I’m not the first and def won’t be the last person a guy uses for his own gain. Deuces!!!

So the Superbowl is in February I REALLY hope I’m reinstated by then. I know almost for a sure fact they are not going to reinstate me by then but I’m keeping the hope alive. I’m going to write my letter in January.By then I would have gone 6 months without messing up. I mean it’s a start right? :/ At least they will know I am on the right track and in the right state of mind. It’s so crazy because I really want to be reinstated but I feel like someone that is about to get baptized. I’m so morbidly afraid of hurting Jehovah again and getting disciplined AGAIN. Like there is so so so much temptation and it’s not even necessarily sex. Like all around you nowadays is materialism, and partying, and people throwing their lavish lifestyle in your face, and traveling , ect ect. It’s like you are afraid to get lost in that. I really see now why the society warns against Social Networking. It really puts a false sense of life in your head. Ever since I got on instagram I’m like dannng I don’t have ISH! lolol. Like I don’t have a nice car…expensive shoes…there are so many clothes to buy and you can’t buy all of them ect ect. I mean my place is nice though. lol. The point I’m getting at is Satan really knows what to use to make you feel like you are missing out on something and he does not have to use anything bodily to do it. I never thought materialism would be something I struggle with. I just want allll the shoes I can buy! But what girl doesn’t? So can that really be materialism orrrr just me being a girl? And my car roof is leaking when it rains so I mean pssssh I NEED a new car. Hooray to JUSTIFICATION!! I just justified the MESS out of that lol. Anyways yea but I’m just saying I understand why the society says what they say and social networking may be something I need to reevaluate if I find that it may be distracting me. So that’s about it.

I’m working on repainting my second bedroom. I HATE painting. I need to get a paint roller to make the job easier though. I am renewing my lease too. (UGH) I mean I really like my place. Especially when it’s clean. It’s HUGE …two floors…2 baths..huge kitchen …2 bedrooms so I mean I have to appreciate what I have. I don’t have any major issues there. And lord knows a apt would be a lot more expensive and I’m in a town home so I’m blessed for my situation as it is now.

Aite I need to get to work. Holla!


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