So I have been thinking a lot lately. And even more so listening to my Smooth Jazz Duets (nothing like Jazz music to calm the soul) – I read something earlier that said

“Don’t Lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.”

Dannnnng that’s deep! I love it. There are so many ways you can apply that I don’t even have time to jot it down on here. The first way of course is spiritually. At every meeting almost it seems like they are really encouraging reg pioneering and Aux pioneering. I mean I know I have a looooooongggg way to go before I even get to that but I know when I come back if I set that as an EXPECTATION for myself my performance will HAVE to meet it. I don’t want to lower myself in any way. That includes spiritually first and foremost. Anyways I was thinking yesterday at the meeting man… I have not had a Kingdom Ministry for a minute and now since one of the elders gave me one maybe that’s a sign that “hey you’re doing good , we see you at all the meetings so here take this so you can better prepare since your always here” Thats how I took it, maybe I’m reading too much into it but I was thinking to myself this is an opportunity I have to actually NOW ask mom to make copies for me (since I know it must be ok now) and now I can actually know whats going on at the service meeting before I go. I’m going to start on next weeks bible reading next week also tonight after boot camp. NO TV. Another thing I was thinking about is negativity. I don’t think I’m a negative person…ok yes I do. Lol– it’s not the way I want to come off though to people. I just have a lot of drama that seems like goes on everyday. It’s always something. So I vent a lot. I mean ALOT. So to turn over a new leaf I really want to start dealing with it alone and just put on a happy face. People don’t always wanna hear about drama. So if I don’t have anything uplifting to talk about then I just won’t say anything at all. Now it’s some drama you just can’t get rid of. Like if I moved to Bowie Maryland…or like if I stayed in Richmond I can foresee just a lot of negative vibes and I don’t want that. That’s why I’m looking so much into moving away so I can go somewhere where people aren’t automatically like oh there goes the sinner! lol. Anthony Hub told me that when we started dating people were like “uhhh” crazy cuz they were the same way with me..I mentioned his name and people were like “uhhh” I honestly think we are just both misunderstood to be honest. I think we are both great people. Now are we gonna date again? I doubt it. I get a really lukewarm feeling from him and I just know I am so much more than lukewarm. He is a cool friend though nevertheless. I just can’t go back to not feeling appreciated it’s for the squawking birds. That all goes back to expectations as earlier noted in Ralph Martsons qoute. You have to expect better to perform better or it won’t match up. Ya digg?? But yea, I really want a new change. I applied at Chenega but nothing yet. I will probably do some research on jobs in Virginia Beach if my girl does not get this house. If she gets the house I’m moving in with her so I can save to move , if she does not then I will just start applying like crazy. I think I would like Virginia beach. I mean my best friend lives there and I really think she would be a crazy fantastic support spiritually for me. Plus I know she wants someone close to her to move there ..Twyla (her sister and my brothers wife) also is trying to move to Chesapeake so that would be a great combination. I say all this to say I am doing good and should be back in no time.

I have been laxed on making jewelry lately. I need new items and new beads…once I get those THEN I can actually start to make something different and make more to present to the hundreds of wineries I printed out on google maps. I’m so excited! If I move I would have to transfer everything but that’s cool. Aite well let me finish up this work…my job gave me another territory to take over so I needed to take a break from my email! Bye!


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