Last Night

Last night was rough. I literally was about to go over mommys house because I thought I was having a panic attack. It just came out of nowhere. But I did’nt want her to see me that way. I have no idea where it came from. One second I’m on the couch watching Slumdog Millionaire (best movie ever) and then I try to go to sleep and I can’t. I think I panicked because lately I am unable to get much sleep. So last night I was very tired but could not fall asleep I guess that made me panic. Idk. I just could not breathe then I started crying because I could not breathe ect ect. Lasted for about 10 minutes then I was so exhausted I guess I just fell asleep.

My grandpa was in the hospital. Poor thing. He is out now. I told him “Grandpop you are made of steel!” he always bounces right back. I told him I guess it’s all the hard work and labor he did all his life. My granddaddy skrong. It made me think though. I have always been woe is me when it came to not having my dad. Why have I never utilized my grandfather as a father figure. I’m sure he knows a thing or two. I feel like…is it too late to ask him things because well…I’m an adult now? Should he have taken the initiativeĀ to teach me those things a dad would have knowing I didn’t have one? Who does it fall on? Maybe us both. Nonetheless I’m happy he is ok. It’s a scary thought when parents and grandparents get older. Our family is so small I cannot imagine losing any of them.

oh well- back to work.

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