I’m finally working on my Resume’. Well kind of. After this work day is over I can focus on it more. With this whole Healthcare thing going on I doubt anyone in insurance will have a job soon. I need to get into a field that no matter what a job is available. Like… the government…in Dc lol. But I don’t want to move there unless something like love brings me there. And that love can help take care of things because MD is WAYY to expensive. I’m thinking Charlotte but my ex Tony lives there and I’m so tired of that situation I could SCREAM. I don’t want to be anywhere near it. It’s literally lethal poison. (As my mom describes it) ANYWHO The search for a new job.. new area is on! I was talking to my girl Kiya today and I swear I’m tired of having this conversation I need to just make it happen.
I cannot wait to go to Addis next Tuesday. I really need to read my poetry to get some things off my chest. I wrote a poem last night, well two of them. Yet they are just so angry. I don’t wanna wallow in it by repeating it publically. I don’t want to be the debbie downer of poetry night LOL. No bueno. So I will just save it. I saw another one of my ex’es this past weekend. I’m kind of upset with myself for letting my emotions come back up. I don’t think they were reciprocated. Even though he says they were. Idk. I told him I’m really big on not wanting someone unless we have really been through the ringer… or.. ‘been together’ or experienced something together.. staying over to get the feel of each other. .. I’ve done that with him and Tony which is why I think I’m so attached to a certain degree. I honestly cannot bring myself to be with someone and I have not in those ways. I just can’t. I’m not capable. Or maybe I just have not met that person yet. On another note though, I am supposed to be using this time to focus and not even worry about all of that. I feel like all of the above is impossible but I have yet… to dive into spiritual matters and see if Jehovah can help me with what I see as impossible. I know he can…he has to be able to! He has to get my out of this rut I feel when it comes to accomplishing certain things in my life. I NEED ORDER. – And the new order for that matter- Lol.. One day at a time… Just one day at a time. But I really was surprised this weekend. I was not expecting that at all. Life sure does throw curve balls. I just gotta take my bat and strike that sucker out the field before it hits me in the head and disables me. -Why do I feel like my words always have poetic undertones.- Even when I was writing last night I went back and read it and it was a freaking poem. I swear stuff was rhyming. SMH.
Me and my girl Sonya (work buddy) been swapping CDs all yesterday and today and loading them on our phones. It’s nothing like new music!! I got Chris Browns F.A.M.E, SWV’s old and new cd, Tone Tony Toni, Marsha Ambrosia, R.Kelly’s Love Letter album, Robin Thicke Love after war album, Ledisi, Jill Scott, Jahiem, I burned my Esthero Cd (Love that girl!) Oh and Usher. Only thing that is missing is my dern Aux cord I left in my friend’s car after valeting about a month ago. Ugh so annoying. He was supposed to return it to me but never did. Oh well guess I will just get another one. Something else that has been on my mind is changing up my style. I’m kind of tired of the skinny jeans, cute top, and heels look. (Crap! so busy writing and multitasking I put the wrong broker on this proposal and I have to rerun the rates…dern!) Anyways….yea so I when through the phase of having to have the most different heels I can find. Mentioning heels I’m MAD! I left my fav heels in AC!!!! I could not walk in them hardly anyways but that is not the point. I planned on at least being able to look at them…or wearing them and sitting right down afterwards. I want to own more kicks and laid back clothing. I need to get a dresser. That’s next on my list. I’m soooo scared to get one on Craig’s List though because of bed bugs. You never know what the insides of people’s house is like! I guess I can use the same judgment I did for everything else though. I mean if it’s in a nice clean house … it’s less likely to have those problems. We shall see. I might just go to Ikea and call it a day. . Anyways… I’ma finish up these proposals and stay in the office late and work on my resume. Nothing at home anyways. Holla