I made a mature decision yesterday. A very mature one. I am so proud of myself for deciding for once in my life to think with my brain and not with my heart. NO matter how much you want someone (and boy do I want for all the wrong reasons), and I mean no matter ‘how much” you want them I realized that want only went skin deep. If you don’t see that person adding joy to your life ‘Walk Away’. Don’t even get involved in the first place. I have a weakness, a bad weakness for a certain ‘type’ of guy. My knees are weakened. It is truly my test.So bad it scares me , what type of person would I turn into wondering every day if that ‘type’ of guy is being true to me? Men have what they call “wifey material”. Well women can want “husband material” also. I told someone I really liked and that I was involved with before on a very intimate level, and have been struggling to not catch feelings for something hard. I meant it with all my heart and I had no problem saying it. It rolled off my tongue.. It was:
“I deserve a man that I can have peace with, someone who will benefit me emotionally and spiritually, someone where I don’t have to wonder where your heart is on a daily basis, someone who I can trust without a second thought. I deserve that. We will not work”
Funny thing is, I’m ok with that. Only reason I am is because I know what my worth is. I’m not saying he is not a nice guy. He is. We just do not have the same life views. Reminds me of that Erykah Badu song “Next Lifetime”. Maybe if we would have crossed paths a different way. As for me? I know now exactly which roads to walk down and which ones not to. Speaking overall, maturity is no fun in the beginning , but it saves you a lifetime of heartache and pain. I have such a urge for peace of mind, I’m thirsty for it. I think I have done what I’ve been needing to and that’s to do all the above in person, looking my weakness right in the eye.