By far the Funniest/Sad blog post I’ve read….

So let me just give my thoughts on this right quick. BOSSIP pretty much took the words out of my mouth. Yet, I’m getting so tired of the “Strawberry letter” type emails to all these random blogs. Seriously, I think it’s all a gimmick because there is NO WAY that women out here can be this brainless. Read below for a HOOT.



Dear Bossip,

I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend 3 months ago and I still feel those feelings.

I was in a in a relationship with a person who lived 45 minutes away and owns a company. The major way I would talk to him was by texting, and he decided to go 3 months almost 4 months without texting me or having any contact. I waited until the end of the third month to text him “How are you?” just to see what he would say. He responded back saying, “Who is this?” I told him who it was and he did not respond back.

So, two days later I sent him an angry SMS message on his phone and it was three paragraphs of anger because I invested so much in this man. He responded back saying, “Sorry you’re nothing but a sweetheart I just have not had time.”  I asked him was it me? “Tell me the truth I can handle it because it will hurt me more to not know the truth,” I said. He told me that it was not it me and that it was him and to give him some time. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him I will pray for him and hope he’s okay and get well. (Time passes and time passes), NADA for a month. (5 months)

So, I sent him a break-up email. Right after I sent the email he told me he that I was right and he did not deserve me or all of the nice things that I said about him, and that I deserved more, and that he wants to keep in contact with me and apologized for not being mature. I have never been so confused in my life and maybe someone can shed light on why a man would do that?

I never wanted to break up, but how could he go 5 months ignoring me but he turns around to call me amazing and apologize? Even saying he wants to keep in contact. WTF? He says it’s because he is busy working most of the time and I know he is a hardworking man but can someone really be that busy? – Ms. Freaking Confused

Dear Ms. Freaking Confused,

Uhm, boo boo, here’s a newsflash: You say you broke up with him 3 months ago, however, you didn’t communicate with him for 5 months prior to you breaking up with him. Hmmm, pulls out my bull-ish calculator. By my math and deductions – technically you’ve been over for 8 months, and it was by his doing. Now, let me do some more addition and subtraction, now divide that by zero because that is the amount of time he gave you. Okay, I came up with zero. What did you come up with?

When you texted him the first time after he disappeared for 3 months, and he responded with “Who is this?” Well, according to the bull-ish calculator that was clue number one that you were never his woman, and that you were never in a relationship. The man didn’t even have your name and number saved in his phone. Damn! WHATEVER RELATIONSHIP YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD WITH HIM WAS ALL IN YOUR HEAD!

And, you see here people, this is why I am opening my school: THE ACADEMY FOR DUMBASS WOMEN WHO ARE STUCK ON STUPID WITH NO HOPE.

And, girl, please tell me that you are truly not that confused. Please tell me that you are not that special. And, please, dear lawd, don’t tell me that a man you were supposed to be in a relationship with disappeared with no communication for 3 months, and that you sat around for those 3 months waiting for him to reach out to you, and the man lives 45 minutes away from you. Because you really are showing us how the slow gene mutates and affects your cognitive thinking skills. And, this is another reason why I say d**k is a dangerous drug. It will have you hallucinating about a relationship you think you’re in, and when the man disappears for months at a time, you will think you see him or hear his voice. It’s nothing but the residuals of his d**k slapping you in the face. LET IT GO!

Sigh! I would give you a blank stare, but it would be useless because you consistently live your life in a blank stare of confusion.

What part of the relationship you didn’t realize was over after the first month he didn’t reach out to you? What part of the relationship you didn’t realize was over after the second month he didn’t reach out to you? And, why the hell would you sit your basic ass over there for a third month, going on a fourth month, before you reached out to him? Do you wear your helmet to bed at night? Are you sitting in your special chair with the safety belt strap?

I can’t this morning. I really can’t!

I’m going to ask the Bossip readers for a poll, especially the women: If you were in a relationship with a man and he lived 45 minutes away from you, and you didn’t hear from him for damn near 5 months, and when you texted him and he responded with, “Who is this?” Would you think that you were in a relationship? Would you be confused by his actions? And, do you think you would still have feelings for him? I’ll wait while you all discuss this in the comments section.

Now, back to you Ms. Freaking Confused, you want to know how someone can go 5 months ignoring you, uhm sweetie, he did! You want to know how can someone really be that busy? They’re not. I am going to repeat this once again because obviously the connection of the words that I’ve been expressing is not reaching your brain and they are not connecting to the common sense gene in your thick ass head. No man who is interested in a woman will ignore her for 5 months. No man who is invested in a relationship and he knows the woman is the one for him will ignore her for 5 months. No man who is in love with a woman will allow a day or two to go by without any communication. No man who lives 45 minutes away from the love of his life will go missing for 5 months. And, no man who truly knows the woman he has is special, worthy, and deserving will stop communicating with her, and he certainly wouldn’t respond with “Who is this?” after a few days, or months of no communication.

And, I’m going to reiterate this again: After 3 months of no communication from him, and then you text him and he responds with “Who is this?” And, then you let him know and he didn’t respond, and then you texted him two days later. Oooooooooohhhhhhhh! Girl, I wish I could come through this computer and shake your ass. Let me ask you this, were you born in a hospital or in some far remote area with lots of trees and greenery? Were you enrolled in special education classes in school? Did a short yellow bus come to your home every morning to pick you up for school?

Listen, girl, why do you want to keep in contact with a man who has already shown you that he is not interested or capable of maintaining contact with you? You better not be over there considering that bull-ish, I will snatch you by that fake horse hair pony tail and drag you up the concrete street. And, you better not reach out to him again trying to find some closure as to why he did what he did to you.

Please move on with your life, get you some self-esteem, and some self-worth. No man who is really interested in you will keep you waiting, on hold, or wondering where the relationship is going. It’s time that you invest in you and recognize that you are valuable, worthy, lovable, and deserving of having a man who is willing to demonstrate his love, communication, and time with you. Stop fretting over him. He’s a bum. He is not that busy, or deserving of you and your time. Be glad that he did you a favor and removed himself from your life. When one door closes, God always opens another door. But, you got to let the other door close in order for the other one to open. So, stop trying to unlock and peek through that closed door. The next time you open it and peek your big ass head in it, I’m going to be standing on the other side and I’m going to punch you in the face. – Terrance Dean


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