Leave it to my bored nights to be feeling “woe is me”. I went to lunch today and while shopping in Ross a random thought came over my mind while looking around. Something caught my eye that I wanted to get for someone, yet again. I thought to myself ” Doing for others makes me feel like a million bucks”. This brought on some feelings I’m not too happy with.
I love making people feel good, and appreciated, this is so true about my personality, but I feel like it’s also a flaw. I will leap over hurdles, walk miles, completely throw a day off , cancel plans, or force myself to be in an uncomfortable situation just so someone else can be or experience the opposites to the above mentioned. I give ‘Too Much’ of ,myself, my energy, my love, and my hard earned money, even if it means just a 6 second smile on someone’s face. This always goes to those that do not give or set aside ‘nice thoughts’ for me. This is nothing new, I’ve actually felt this way my whole life. Giving is second nature to me, and I think I fall short in thinking it should be for others too. My mom is not an example in this because my mere birth and being raised in the truth is the only appreciation I need from her loving heart. My best friend gave me some owl earrings a few weeks ago and said “Janay I was just thinking of you” It made me feel like she really appreciated me and took time to think about me. She also does not let a day go by without a firm “I love you” because we agreed tomorrow is never promised, so tell your loved ones how you feel everytime you talk to them.
I’m always doing for others, whether its helping out with task or whatever. I know that it’s “Better to give than to receive” . Sometimes I would like a card saying “Just thinking of you”. Hey a free Ecard would boost me right now. I know I think to deeply about things sometimes and I can be very wrong with my emotions but everyone likes that ‘extra mile’ of appreciation. Not just the bare minimum.
I don’t know, maybe this is something that will pass… Tomorrow is a new day. The worst feeling is wondering if and how much your appreciated in between appreciating others. Than again, I fully adore and appreciate myself and that ‘should’ be all that matters.