Figured I would write another entry. Spilling my guts here but who cares. Today I started to think. I didnt have much of a teenage life. Well not that I didnt have much of it I just simply do not remember it. That whole segment was so stressful that I think my brain is blocking it out. I say this why?… Well…earlier I was day dreaming and called to mind something I had not thought about in years but infact had been a pivitol point in my teenage years. The point when I moved out.
I had completeley forgotten about it. I don’t know how. I was dating a brother and we just lived too far away. I was in Richmond and he was in Marylnd (the story of my life) Anyways that was that. I told my mom I was moving closer to my loved one so that we could date properly without space between us. So in I moved into a fellow brother and sisters basement. It was very nice. I had my own bed, my own bathroom. One probelm. No car. SO everything I did relying soley on them or my ‘to be’. This was not what I had bargained for and I felt as though I had made a terrible decision. Unbeknowest to me the light in my personal bathroom was a heat lamp. No one ever told me this. Even though the owners of the house will swear up and down that they did. Would I have knowingly left on a heat lamp if I knew prolonged usage could start a fire? I think not. NEEDLESS to say, after a few months I was pretty much kicked out after only being given one chance to turn something off that I didnt even know posed a threat.
This is just one out of many memories that I have forgotten. For the life of me I cannot remember much. From this point on I need and want to do things in life that have meaning and stick out. Serving Jah will always have meaning but I’m talking aside from that. I don’t want to look up and I’m 35-40 years old and I have no recollection of times before. Or, my days simply get lost in time.
How could I forget such a move? Never calling it to mind in over 4 years? This made me think. What else have I blocked out. Nonetheless every adversity I delt with then has only been a teaching tool for me now. I plan to use it wisely. I feel as though I’m hyperventilating sometimes from being worried so much that fate will fail me again. I worry so much that again I’ll get lost in time only one day to look up again and everything has been a passing memory. I HAVE to make everyday count for something and continue to put me first. My ambitions and goals. I have come to the point finally where I want to share those goals ambitions and wants with someone else. Jehovah has taught me though, to take my time and make sure that that person will be worthy of all those things and all that I have to offer. Never again will I get lost in time…..